How to be a modem pest

[Red Squirrel]

HOW TO BE A MODEM PEST

Make up fake acronyms.
Send segmented e-mails in no particular order.
WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS.
When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling, never responding to the content of their messages.
Send attachments as multiple zip files.
Upload biblical text files about sin or guilt and give it a title like, "Sex_craved." and see how many people download them.
Join a discussion group, and reply off-topic.
Make webpage page links to webpages of links to webpages of links . . .
Start a chain e-mail.

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THE OATH OF SOFTWARE ENGINEERS

Never write code someone else can understand.
Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something like: AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
Type fast, think slow.
Never use direct references. Bury everything in macros. Bury macros in include files. Reference those include files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those include files.
Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary in the world should be generated from the same sources.
Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't need you.
Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.
Always speak in abstract. If they understand, they don't need you.
Never complete a project on time.
When someone stops by your office to ask a question, talk forever.
Load all sentences either written or spoken with alphabet soup. When someone asks you out to lunch, reply:


"I can't because I've almost got my RISC-based OSI/TCP/IP client connected by BIBUS VMS VAX using SMTP over TCP sending SNMP inquiry results to be encapsulated in UDP packets for transmission to a SUN 4/280 NFS 4.3 BSD with release 3.6 of RPC/XDR supporting our ONC effort working."

Never throw away an old listing.
Never address someone by name.
Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from concentrating on complex logic.
Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled shirt whenever possible. Your shirt must never be tucked in completely. Button the top button without wearing a tie.

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:4144, old post ID:33847

[Death]

Hehehe, kind of feel like trying that. Kind of reminds me of my whole programming days where every variable was X, Y X1, X2, Y4. So hard to decipher.

Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.

LOL.

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:4144, old post ID:33849

[Red Squirrel]

Haha funny I originally thought that statement to be the best when I saw it on the forum it was posted at. Sounds like something to do if you want the person debugging your code to kill you.

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:4144, old post ID:33851