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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 7:39 am

$5 - squirrels are resourceful little critters, finding and making pretty much everything they need, they rarely have use for money.

However, being the resourceful critters they are, they have a simple solution to this problem...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 4:46 pm

They will spread accross the city, rading all the bird feeders they find! After 5 days...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 5:32 am

they have a crapload of bird seed, but no cash. So Red takes all the seed, puts it in a huge box, and labels it "Possible Microsoft Competitor" which Bill Gates promptly offers $50 million for, enough to pay off the fee, along with $4 mil on the side.

That taken care of, focus shifts back to the task at hand...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 6:49 pm

they are all silent, thinking of what the task was, "nah, must of been unimportant" says one of the others, who suddently trips falls, and everyone is shocked to see that...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 7:00 pm

he tripped over a SEVERED HUMAN HEAD!!!! Shocked, red exclaims, "You're a squirrel! Think of the relative body sizes here! How the heck did you trip over a human head?! That thing is as big as you are!!!!"

an uneasy silence wafts over the squirrels.

"Where did that thing come from anyway?"

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 11:37 pm

They all look up, and there's a drop ceiling tile that is removed, and there is blood. One of them goes up, only to find out that...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Sun Jul 13, 2003 2:47 am

There is no body... but rather an explosive device! All the squirrels escape harm, but they are puzzled by who would do this. True, the squirrels have their share of enemies, but who would be able to infiltrate HQ and would go to such lengths as to set a trap such as that?

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:17 pm

the HQ collapses. They squirrels are all outside durring this time, and see september 11th all over again, but to their own property! Being patriotic, they decide to...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:19 pm

Plaster all their cars with Squirrel flag bumper stickers, and then go about their regular business. But to do so, they need a new HQ. This time they decide to go for an underground HQ, complete with 5foot thick steel doors, 12 ft thick concrete walls, and a war room that brings back memories of WarGames, except with much more advanced computer systems and a decisive lack of thermonuclear weapons. There's even a very sophisticated AI computer, but there's a bit of a problem with it...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:27 pm

it is incorperated with a BitBender AI unit, they need to find a Squirrel AI unit since if they use the BitBender it may cause undesired results, but being dare devils, they try it anyway as after an hour of searching they can't find a supplier capable of making such power chips as the Squirrel. But when they turn it on...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 8:55 am

and they hear a sizzle and pop. The bitBender AI unit got fried. Turns out it's construction was so poor, it couldn't even stand normal working temperatures, and squirrels often have a tendency to overclock.

But they still need the AI system, and without a Squirrel AI unit, they need some kind of interim solution until they can find one. So Red plugs in an amd opteron and hardcodes an AI script into the ciruitry. Not as good as a Squirrel AI unit, but it will get the job done for the time being.

But the question is, who would slip a BitBender AI unit into the system? Heck, who would even manufacture a piece of crap like that?

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 11:37 am

The start to wonder, and notice on the box that it says "Warning! Contains stupidity, for use by blond squirrels only." They think that's weird because there's no such thing as blond squirrels, but they just never mind and go on their own business, until one of them notices the burt chip sitting on the table...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 11:59 am

Looking closely the squirrel notices something. Under the lettering identifying it as a BitBender AI unit, is a serial number. Looking it up in a electronics catalog, he realizes that the chip is a common OR gate.

"I don't get it. An OR gate is capable of only one of the simplest of binary functions. Who would try to pass this off as a AI unit - even the BitBender AI units aren't that simplistic. Someone must be trying to fool us into thinking BitBender is still around. But who? and why? Perhaps to distract us from seeing the real enemy?"

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 12:03 pm

"But who is the real enemy? Of course! The bomb, the evil robotic chipmunks, but the question remains, who created these?" They all draw out a plan of where all attacks are coming from, and where any type of suspicious activity is found and they freak out as the lines all over the map spell out...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:31 pm

YMCA - which can mean only one thing... The Village People!!

"I knew that Construction Worker was up to no good!!!!"

"Huh? What construction worker? Maybe we should look at this again."

...ACLU!!! ... "No that ain't right either, try again"

...SCSI? ... "Keep trying."
...ASCII? ..."Nope."
...IEEE 1394? "Ugh, this isn't working."

"Hmm, maybe this will help." One of the squirrels picks up a matchbook from the Sidepocket Pub and Billiard Hall.

"Hmm. The old matchbook-left-by-the-villain-from-the-pub-that-just-happens-to-be-his-secret-hideout
bit. That's just cliche enough to work!"

So Red takes a team to scope out the pub...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 4:07 pm

the easiest and most enviromentally friendly way is to stay away from nuclear bombs, which there is two somewhere in the building, so they all build a smaller bomb that is powered by...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 2:00 pm

...methane. Sure it doesn't smell like a spring breeze, but the fuel source is plentiful. So they rig up the pub with several of the bombs, and send in the humanoid probe robot, cleverly disguised as a guy from New Jersey, to scope out the place. The squirrels sit and wait in a flower truck around the corner watching the moniters only to find out that the pub is in reality....

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L33T B0T · Post by **L33T B0T** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 2:00 pm

...methane. Sure it doesn't smell like a spring breeze, but the fuel source is plentiful. So they rig up the pub with several of the bombs, and send in the humanoid probe robot, cleverly disguised as a guy from New Jersey, to scope out the place. The squirrels sit and wait in a flower truck around the corner watching the moniters only to find out that the pub is in reality....

Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Ayuh. methane doesn't smell like a spring breeze but the fuel source is plentiful? Woe! Who are "They?"Who told you that?

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Wed Feb 11, 2004 8:13 pm

the methane is all sprayed on paper, and before the competition begins...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:01 am

So they decide that the pub is just a waste of time, torch the place and head back to HQ.

Still baffled by who could've destroyed teh old HQ and planted the fake AI unit, the Squirrels crack open a few cans of Planters, and sit down to do a bit of brainstorming. When suddenly, Red realizes...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 9:40 pm

they ate 2348 cans in one night, which caused a stabelization problem on the HQ building, as some of the cans were used to replace one of the cracked center pillars. Quickly, they...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 10:40 pm

Go out to buy some more nuts! This is when Red realizes that they'd just eat them all on the way home, so they buy cement instead. The pillar fixed, the go back to the probelm at hand...

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 10:24 pm

fixing all the broken toilets in the world. Quickly, they spread in masses for their quest, but there's one problem...

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sintekk · Post by **sintekk** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 10:42 pm

"This plot doesn't make any sense!" So they all rush to the library to find a better one when...

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manadren_it · Post by **manadren_it** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 10:52 pm

They ask the librarian where they can find a good plot, and she hands red a copy of Shakespeare's Julius Caeser. Red reads a bit.

"Et tu Brute? What the heck is this crap!? You want us running around stabbing half-naked men in the groin right outside the bloody senate? What are you? Mad?!"

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