Going insane..

Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 1:13 pm

I don't know how long I can handle myself as a person.. I'm on a thin piece of wire between to cliffs..

This speration I have is driving me insane.. I'm to a point where everything makes sense only if I can do it. My mind is a bunch of jumbled up letters that always spell out 'Kill yourself' and I can't take it any more. I seriously need to go back and get help again.. I need to learn how to deal with this intense kind of emotional pain.. Maybe it's just my ways of thinking that brought this on.. If I don't get any kind of help, I'll end up in a pile of blood on the floor.. and I can't go back to the therapist cause sister has no more money to waste on me >.< I can't tell my mom about everything that's happened, or she'll just use it to beat me down with..

I'm in a situation I can't get out of, and I'm about to snap.. I'm sorry for being an annoyance, and posting too much.. I can stop that too.. but, when you can't sleep at night because you're crying your eyes out.. because you might not make it to the next morning.. I'm asking God for help.. that's the only thing that's kept me from snapping so far.. but, I don't know how long I can last talking to a being I can't even see..

If someone can just offer me some kind of help.. so I don't feel alone or crazy anymore.. I'll be very happy..

I'm sorry if I'm a burden..

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Reaper · Post by **Reaper** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 4:22 pm

Just keep asking.

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sintekk · Post by **sintekk** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:30 pm

Not trying to be snarky here, but have you tried looking up a suicide hotline? They will talk you through this (for free, not like those greedy therapists)

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 6:39 pm

I was thinking about that.. x.x I'm not actually suicidal though, I'm just.. I dunno, it's hard to explain >.<

Dying just seems so much better..

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 7:26 pm

Talk to your parants about it, if they just beat you down with it like you say, that's when Dr Phil comes in. I'm sure you're parants will help you after being told off on national TV.

I like Dr Phil for that.

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Joe · Post by **Joe** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 9:56 pm

Shinizo wrote: I don't know how long I can handle myself as a person.. I'm on a thin piece of wire between to cliffs..

This speration I have is driving me insane.. I'm to a point where everything makes sense only if I can do it. My mind is a bunch of jumbled up letters that always spell out 'Kill yourself' and I can't take it any more. I seriously need to go back and get help again.. I need to learn how to deal with this intense kind of emotional pain.. Maybe it's just my ways of thinking that brought this on.. If I don't get any kind of help, I'll end up in a pile of blood on the floor.. and I can't go back to the therapist cause sister has no more money to waste on me >.< I can't tell my mom about everything that's happened, or she'll just use it to beat me down with..

I'm in a situation I can't get out of, and I'm about to snap.. I'm sorry for being an annoyance, and posting too much.. I can stop that too.. but, when you can't sleep at night because you're crying your eyes out.. because you might not make it to the next morning.. I'm asking God for help.. that's the only thing that's kept me from snapping so far.. but, I don't know how long I can last talking to a being I can't even see..

If someone can just offer me some kind of help.. so I don't feel alone or crazy anymore.. I'll be very happy..

I'm sorry if I'm a burden..

Just stop thinking. Your on this computer all day, you post too much. Just find a nice quiet area in a local park and chill or bring a friend. I think you'll realize that if your cooped up all day in a small room you begin to think about stuff that don't matter.

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:12 pm

Haha true. When I was younger I used to go to the park, there was this huge tree I used to always go up in and just sit there and think about stuff. Sometimes we'd be a few people in there, or me alone.

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sweetness · Post by **sweetness** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:17 am

your suffering from teenage angst - its a common illness and will stay with you for a few more years yet.
i agree with joe... lay off the computer for abit and spend some time with ur mates, talk to them and listen to them as well - u may discover that ur not the only one going through emotional upheaval.
i remember my teenage years and the older im getting the better i feel for leaving them behind.

good luck!

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 11:32 am

I took y'alls advice, I'm going out and doin' stuffs this afternoon.

I should do something that my mom hates.. that's why we never go to a video game store. I browse ALL the games, we're in the store for at least an hour or more and we leave with nothing.

It's hard to find that 'one good game'

Either ways, thanks for listening to me

Maybe doing stuffs'll help me feel better, and get my mind off things.

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Reaper · Post by **Reaper** » Wed Jun 29, 2005 3:03 pm

I know what you mean about the games.

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Stasi · Post by **Stasi** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 1:32 am

Shinizo wrote: I was thinking about that.. x.x I'm not actually suicidal though, I'm just.. I dunno, it's hard to explain >.<

Dying just seems so much better..

I know what you mean. I often feel that dying young would be a wonderful way to be spared more and more of life's difficulty and pain. I'm also not suicidal. I just think life, as it is right now, is a bunch of crap and probably will be for far longer. Through adolescence and then young adulthood, my state hasn't changed much, despite my efforts.

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000 · Post by **000** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:26 am

Medical fact: Exercise is one of the best treatments for depression. Put on a pair of good shoes and run a few miles a day. Good for the mind and body.

My advice: By a motorcycle. It frees the mind. I consider my motorcycle therapy on 2 wheels. After a ride on the old iron horse, I just feel better.

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:54 am

I can't ride a motorcycle, no liscense yet. x.x but, I can make my mom take my places... if I beg enough.

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000 · Post by **000** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 1:06 pm

Shinizo wrote: but, I can make my mom take my places...

Not the same.

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 3:46 pm

Just a normal bike might do the trick, ride on a street downhill + with wind on your back, and hope for the next fast transport to pass at 100mph right beside you. At that point you should be doing a nice 40km/h on the bike, and trust me when you do that speed on a bike, it feels much faster then it does in a car.

Fun feeling, just hope you don't hit a branch or big stone at that speed.

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 4:56 pm

Lol, isn't that illegal to hold onto a car? Either way, we went to the game store again.. spent 2 hours there. I browsed through like 10,000+ games, got some of them.. like 5. They were cheap, anyways. XD

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 5:01 pm

Nah I did not hold on it, the wind force was so powerful that it pushed me. But I think that transport driver was illegally driving though, since he seemed to be going much faster then normal to produce that wind. But having a large vehicle pass within feet beside you is not something everyone may enjoy but I find it fun.

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Thu Jun 30, 2005 11:05 pm

Did you find it fun when they hit your bike? o.o

I need a bike.

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Red Squirrel · Post by **Red Squirrel** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 1:47 am

Did not hit it, but if the transport would of been a few feet more on the right, then I would not be here to tell the story.

That, or the story would be different. LOL

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 2:17 pm

Send me a bike! Arcade games get boring after awhile.

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MrSelf · Post by **MrSelf** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 2:40 pm

Have you tried going outside and playing, with nature? Maybe getting some tools and building something? I find I feel most like you describe when I have no direction in my life, and try to occupy my time by learning about something new or appreciating what I have.

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 2:48 pm

I like to build things.. then smash them! That's why I have Legos.

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MrSelf · Post by **MrSelf** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 3:30 pm

Lego's rock(ed)!

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Shinizo · Post by **Shinizo** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 3:40 pm

Past habit gone away?

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ana · Post by **ana** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 1:11 am

I've got a friend who still has all of his legos from when he was a kid. Sometimes we take them out and play.

There really is something about Joe, isn't there?

I wonder if he's on AIM or something,..

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