knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex
drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her
occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really
know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that
will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman
laughed, and said "Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in
this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to
the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to
the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it
home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use
it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy
her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband
had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided
to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A
police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked
for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in
my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my
!" ohmy.gifThe rest is history.
Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:1180, old post ID:14921
