http://www.evote.com/features_section/2004...lection2004.asp
If Bush wears a red tie, drink. If Kerry wears a blue tie, drink. If either candidate opts for an ascot or bolo tie, immediately fill your Igloo cooler with grain alcohol and Kool-Aid and plunge your head in; the debate is over.
If Kerry salutes and says, “Reporting for duty,” chug-a-lug your PBR, American heartland style.
Drink every time Bush pronounces “American” as “A-merken”
Every time either candidate says “Saddam” or “Saddam Hussein,” take a drink.
Guzzle Cuervo for the duration of Bush’s attempts at Spanish.
Every time Bush or Kerry says, “flip-flop”, take a shot of booze, then switch to beer. Then switch back.
If Kerry calls the war on Iraq either a “profound diversion” or a “crisis of historic proportions,” take two drinks.
Whenever Bush uses the events of 9/11 to further his political platform, stare forlornly into your beer. (Remember this tactic in case Dubya is re-elected; it will come in handy.)
Take three drinks every time John Kerry refers to Vietnam.
If the camera pans to either candidate’s wife, take a drink if the wife is frozen in a worshipful gaze. (Have yourself a Salsa and Chips bonus for Teresa and Laura impressions!)
Take a drink every time Kerry gesticulates to make a point using both index fingers.
If either candidate uses the word “evil,” take a drink. An evil drink. Maybe tequila…
If Bush references the “Swift boat controversy” or Kerry refers to Bush’s evading his military duty in the National Guard, down your whole drink. Swiftly. If someone attempts to evade finishing his entire drink, let Dan Rather know. Later, you can say the accounts were falsified, and wait for Rather to offer a public apology.
When Kerry refers to Bush’s decision to go to war in Iraq as the President “misusing his authority,” toast the troops.
If Bush says that the economy is on the upswing or that there are more jobs, down half your drink in one slug. (For those of us who have been unable to find a job despite this alleged economic upswing, this will be a familiar action.)
If either candidate refers to Al Qaeda or weapons of mass destruction, take a shot. Preferably at Iraqi civilians, from the safe vantage point of your Humvee.
If Bush refers to the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit same-sex marriage as “protecting marriage” or “protecting traditional marriage” raise a toast to all those hapless gays and lesbians from whom Bush is protecting marriage.
If either candidate gets applause over 10 seconds for anything they say, use this time for a bathroom break.
If Kerry attacks Bush’s Medicare drug program, pop a pill. Just make sure you cross the border to Canada first to get a huge discount.
If Bush uses malapropisms such as “Fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again,” or grossly mispronounces a word, take a shot. Preferably, accompanied by a pot shot.
If Kerry attacks Bush’s proposal to allow drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, take a shot. Or alternately, club a baby seal, and just get it over with.
Every time Kerry says something is "the truth," take a shot of Jagermeister. If he repeats in the following sentence that this truth is the true "truth," take another shot. If he refers to "the truth" with the implication that this "truth" is not the true "truth," take one more shot of Jager. Soon, you too will understand the elusive fog that surrounds the concept of "truth."
If Bush references his “No Child Left Behind” educational reforms, take a drink. And to make sure your child isn’t left behind, give him or her a drink, too.
Any time either candidate refers to the United Nations, take a shot of the most exotic alcoholic beverage available. Then, refuse to pay for it.
If for some reason Bush mentions stopping the use of steroids in professional athletes or ending international trafficking, shake your head in confusion, and for good measure, take three drinks. One for the juiced-up athletes, one for the child slaves, and another for all the bigger problems not on that list.
In honor of “The Rockford Files” drinking game that was hugely popular at this reporter’s favorite taco stand in Norfolk, Virginia in 1994: Every time there is a car chase, you get a fresh beer for only 50 cents.
If John Kerry leaves the debates early to squeeze in his windsurfing lesson, drink two Bay Breezes.
Take a drink every time Kerry says: "They were wrong."
Take a drink for every minute the debate goes over its hour and a half-allotted time slot.
Trust us, you’ll need it.
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