Human Resource nightmare

[Red Squirrel]

Human Resources' BIGGEST NIGHTMARE !!!!
JUST A BIT OF CHRISTMAS FUN (Really)

Subject: Our Christmas Party
FROM: Paula Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23, starting at
noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of
drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our
CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Paula
>================================================= ==========================
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FROM: Paula Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is
an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Paula
>================================================= ==========================
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FROM: Paula Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table
. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange
are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00
is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a
little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>================================================= ==========================
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FROM: Paula Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
which forbids eating and drinking during daylight
hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
meal until the end of the party- or else package
everything for you to take it home in little foil
doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays
are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat
food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest
for those people with high blood pressure to taste
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Paula
>================================================= ==========================
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FROM: Paula Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All ****ing Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The ****ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr**ks I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as
you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing
salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!
>================================================= ==========================
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FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Paula Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Paula
Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward
your cards to her. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay.

Happy Holiday!
Sorry, I mean HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:4046, old post ID:33201