Aircraft humor
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:45 pm
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
>> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
>> correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots
>> review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>>
>> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
>>
>> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
>> (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers
>> (marked with an M).
>>
>> (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>> accident.)
>>
>>
>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>> M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>> P: Something loose in ****pit.
>> M: Something tightened in ****pit.
>>
>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> M: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>> descent.
>> M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> M: Evidence removed.
>>
>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> M: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
>> M: That's what they're for.
>>
>> P: IFF inoperative.
>> M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>> M: Suspect you're right.
>>
>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>> P: Aircraft handles funny (I love this one!)
>> M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>> P: Target radar hums.
>> M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>> P: Mouse in ****pit.
>> M: Cat installed.
>>
>> And the best one for last...
>>
>> P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>> pounding
>> on something with a hammer.
>> M: Took hammer away from midget
>>
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:3750, old post ID:30516
>> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
>> correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots
>> review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>>
>> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
>>
>> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
>> (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers
>> (marked with an M).
>>
>> (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>> accident.)
>>
>>
>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>> M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>> P: Something loose in ****pit.
>> M: Something tightened in ****pit.
>>
>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> M: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>> descent.
>> M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> M: Evidence removed.
>>
>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> M: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
>> M: That's what they're for.
>>
>> P: IFF inoperative.
>> M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>> M: Suspect you're right.
>>
>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>> P: Aircraft handles funny (I love this one!)
>> M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>> P: Target radar hums.
>> M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>> P: Mouse in ****pit.
>> M: Cat installed.
>>
>> And the best one for last...
>>
>> P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>> pounding
>> on something with a hammer.
>> M: Took hammer away from midget
>>
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:3750, old post ID:30516
thats awesome.