Facts you'll only find out if you have kids
Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 11:12 am
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came for an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I’ve Learned From My Children
(honest & no kidding)
1.A king size waterbed hold enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. hour 4 inches deep.
2.If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and fun over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.A 3-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.When you hear the toilet flush and the word “uh oh,” it’s already too late.
8.Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.A 6-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11.Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.Super glue is forever.
13.No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
14.Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
16.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.You probably don’t want to know what that smell is.
19.Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.
First grade…true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’” The teacher paused then, and asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said…’Holy ****! A talking pig!’”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25.6% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:3502, old post ID:28342
The following came for an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I’ve Learned From My Children
(honest & no kidding)
1.A king size waterbed hold enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. hour 4 inches deep.
2.If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and fun over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.A 3-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.When you hear the toilet flush and the word “uh oh,” it’s already too late.
8.Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.A 6-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11.Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.Super glue is forever.
13.No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
14.Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
16.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.You probably don’t want to know what that smell is.
19.Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.
First grade…true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’” The teacher paused then, and asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said…’Holy ****! A talking pig!’”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25.6% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:3502, old post ID:28342
