Martha Stewart holiday calandar
Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2003 9:40 am
December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold,
turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas
message for answering machine.
December 3 - Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4 - Re-paint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for
consideration.
December 7 - Debug Windows 2000
December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11 - Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 - Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. { omg...}
December 13 - Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters,
particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house. { }
December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in
case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17 - Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be
same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's
sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange
slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen
engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel
less inadequate than they really are.
December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented
with homemade potpourri.
December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of Jesus.
December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend
in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that
country.
January 1 - Write out meaningful resolutions on wall of new jail cell in
decorative calligraphy in a crisp, cotton orange prisoner jumpsuit. At
least the new year will start off with a bright splash of color.
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:1761, old post ID:14825
turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas
message for answering machine.
December 3 - Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4 - Re-paint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for
consideration.
December 7 - Debug Windows 2000
December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11 - Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 - Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. { omg...}
December 13 - Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters,
particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house. { }
December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in
case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17 - Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be
same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's
sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange
slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen
engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel
less inadequate than they really are.
December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented
with homemade potpourri.
December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of Jesus.
December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend
in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that
country.
January 1 - Write out meaningful resolutions on wall of new jail cell in
decorative calligraphy in a crisp, cotton orange prisoner jumpsuit. At
least the new year will start off with a bright splash of color.
Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:1761, old post ID:14825
cold red cold. 
