Anything Forums

We have done this before but it has been awhile...everybody gives their contribution and it goes in some odd directions
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It was a bright and stormy night when Edmund woke up with the worst hangover of his life. He had no clue where he was or why he was there; his first thought was 'where the hell are my clothes?' until he he looked and was shocked to see what was with him in the odd bright glowing room.
..............


edit: grammatical fix

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It was an arcade cabinet. It didn't seem to be plugged in. Then suddenly the lights dimmed, and cabinet turned on seemingly by itself. The words "Insert Coin" flashed across the screen. Edmund felt strangely compelled to play, but he still hadn't found his pants.


Edit: Yeah, I got a bit dark there, went ahead and re-wrote it.

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Once he played the game, instead of spitting out the winning tickets, it gave him a a map, with a big red x on the top corner.

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He still saw no trace of his pants even after a search of the sparse room, but decided to try the door that had just recently appeared over in the corner by the Farah Fawcett poster. Next to Farah was a holographic poster for 'Rocky XXVIII' showing the 114 year old boxer fighting Janet Reno.

---
(on a serious note, the news stories from the past few months say that Farah's cancer is spreading and she has less than six months to live)

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He went through the door, taking the map with him. The room was solid red, and well lit despite no discernible light source. There was a huge steel door on the opposing wall, too heavy for any normal man to open. The room was bare except for a single red table, upon which sat a bottle, and a note reading "I Pity the fool who doesn't drink me."

He took the bottle and drank it's contents, and much to his dismay, he did not turn into Mr. T. The drink was, however, rather fizzy, prompting him to let out a burp. At which point a golem made of a reddish stone, standing just a little shorter than he, appeared beside him.

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Surprisingly the Golem had a strong resemblance to his younger brother lucas, who had died died tragically the previous year after swimming just 57 minutes, 30 seconds after eating a full meal.

edit: small grammatical fix

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The golem stepped forward and opened the door.

Edmund stood there, mouth agape, shocked by the resemblance. Could this be a manifestation of his brothers spirit sent to help him find his pants?

But before he could speak, the golem walked behind him, kicked him through the door and shut it firmly.

Edmund knew two things at this point. First, he would never see the Lucas golem again. Second, he really needed to find his pants, it was getting kinda chilly.

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He heard a hauntingly empty howl from a far distance and took a better look at his surroundings. There was darkness overhead and a smooth glassy surface as far as the eye could see.
A series of six doors with dark ebony frames and even darker interiors stood a short distance away in a neat circle. Three of them were easily thirty feet high, and the others were five feet high at most.

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He decided to take the fourth door, in honor of the number of pockets in his beloved pants. Warily pushing open the door, he was shocked to see a Ferrari enzo sitting there. He walked the rest of the way into the door, and vaugely noticed the room was solid white. However, when he sat in the driver's seat, the room disenegrated into pixels. Stunned, he looked around the car. He quickly snapped back into his seat and saw a small, flashing red light in the CD player.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>



EDIT- lol, that was strange.

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Suddenly the room went dark. A salty air waft in as his surroundings slowly came back into focus. There was a young blond woman sitting beside him in car's passenger seat.

In front of him was a road, flanked by palm trees, and a sign that said "Welcome to Coconut Beach" with "©Sega" in small print below.


(:lol: back to the video game references)

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Edmund was still in shock when a furry hedgehog rolled past him who was being chased by a short fat man with green hair and moustache. He turned his head when the car radio started playing an urgent news bulletin about a giant lizard and ape smashing the city.
Ed looked down and was both shocked and relieved to see he was now wearing pants, unfortunately they were skintight on top and ended in the widest bell bottoms he had ever seen by his feet.

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These were definitely not his pants, and thus the quest of pants continued.

He started up the car and started driving. After zooming past dozens of identical palm trees, a blue turtle shell suddenly appeared, knocking his car off the road and into a sign post. The car was out of commission. Looks like he'd have to walk it from here. The unnamed blond woman appeared to be somehow bolted into the passenger seat, and as such he was alone again.

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He had not walked very far when yet again he reached a series of doors. These were against a glowing pixelated wall flashing 'Game over. Insert Quarters to continue or leave the arcade and get a life' endlessly.
This time there were thirteen doors to choose from. The first was labeled 'Stasi' and blood curling screams could be heard from within. The other twelve were labeled in binary. Edmund pondered this latest development then chose the door in the middle.
The first thing he noticed after walking through was the breeze on his legs; he was no longer wearing pants again, and was now wearing a t-shirt with 'Sorry Mario but the princess ran off with Luigi and is pregnant with his child' on the front.
There was a glistening tower shining brightly in the distance, picking up the black backpack that was lying conveniently near where he stood he set off...

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As he approached the tower he came across a silver headed man in his twenties wearing a red trench coat and leather pants. He was carrying a huge sword he called Rrebellion" and a pair of handguns. He kept going on and on, making snide comments about how cool he was when Edmund peered into his bag. Inside was an over sized revolver with a number of Weeping Demon brand Demon Tranquilizer bullets. He loaded up the revolver and shot "Dante" right between the eyes while he was distracted praising himself. Dante collapsed immediately, and lie motionless. Edmund poked him with a stick to make sure. He then promptly stole his pants and coat. They still weren't his pants, but they would do for now. He picked up the guns as well, and thought about the sword, but it was too huge and unwieldy to be useful.

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<no new contribution>
Just wanted to thank the people that contributed to this for giving me inspiration. I started to write my own little tale based on this opening that is going in its own odd direction and getting rather involved.

And I am stuck with these video game references, but if something meaningful comes to mind eventually I might add it.
</no new contribution>

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Then he saw a sheep!

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The sheep was singing Sinatra, but what was really disturbing was that he was off by at least two keys.
'Number 13' looked to be spraypainted on his side in his purple wool.

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The sheep pooped flowers, then began singing metallica...poorly.

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... and then the sheep exploded.

Edmund did not know what to make of this exploding sheep, that is until he saw dozens more slowly surrounding him, all singing the same Sinatra tune.

This obviously was not good. Someone else must have found his pants and recognized the power they held, and that person was warping his current reality in order to stop him from retrieving his pants.

He took out the pair of handguns he stole form Dante and strapped on the backpack tightly.

"This is going to get messy..."

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....he said as he pulled the triggers. Rather than bullets, oddly coloured green roses with orange spots exploded from the barrels. This appeared to be oddly effective as the sheep scattered and ran away, not noticing they were heading toward a large fast food store called 'Kentucky Fried Sheep' .

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Suddenly, a large monster from Diablo II ran out and ate the sheep before they could be harvested by the evil fast food chain.

Edmund would have screamed in terror at the beast, but he wasn't a wussy canadian. No. He was a steriotypical american jackass who thought he was a hardass, even though he can only bench 100lbs. So he ran up to the beast with a bouquet of flowers from his gun, and beat it over the head with the orange-spotted green roses.

The monster looked at him and cried. Edmund put his fingers to the monster's eyes, feeling sorry for the creature. He wiped up a tear from it's eye, but smelt an odd odor from the droplet. He tasted it and realized that the liquid was actually pure Jagermiester!

He beat the animal tirelessly as the creature cried sweet alcoholic tears into a bottle that Edmund had drunk from before encountering the golem.

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after the beast was good and emptied of his alchoholic tears, edmund leaped upon the animal's back and whipped it till it was running so fast they were in the same spot. Fearing this would only provoke the snozzwanger above to leap upon the beast's back, he leaped off and landed in southern scotland. Upon looking down, he was startled to see a checkered kilt. He pulled off his tight bell-bottoms and donned the kilt. These were not his pants, but they would help him blend in with the scottish people. He also aqquired a bagpipe from a local hobo and joined the scottish marching band in order to continue the quest for his pants.

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Little did he know that the hobo had herpes on his mouth. And e-coli on his tongue. However, the alcohol he drank previously was so strong, that the vapors from his mouth sterilized the bagpipe before his mouth actually touched it.

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After this pointless and utterly inexistant complication, Edmund snuck off the rugby field where he was marching into a tastlessly grey back door. upon opening this door, he came across a young child- specifically this child.-




Immediatley Edmund's eyes began burning with the heat of adorableness. Quickly he donned the shades he found in the kilt, but unfortunately large white puffy leters on the lens spelling 'Soulja Boy' made it almost impossible to see. In his moment of disgust at the scottish wannabe-gangster, he vomited an envelope sealed in red wax. As he opened it, he realized it was a set of derections on how to care for the child.

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The directions read, "Do not feed after midnight. Do not get wet..." He knew what he saw was the beginning a bad 80s movie reference, so he quickly dropped the envelope. He shut his eyes tightly and took off the sun glasses. He then preceded to run in the away from the child as fast as he could, only opening his eyes when he was relatively sure he was at least 100 yards away. Unfortunately by that point he had already run through 2 sets of bushes, kicked 2 trees, and ran into a telephone pole head on. It was at this point he realized that telephone poles meant some kind of civilization.

When he opened his eyes he found that the pole, and the power lines, ran a long a 8 lane highway. He was reaallly glad he had stopped and opened his eyes at that point. There was steady traffic on the highway, though it wasn't heavy. He stuck out a thumb hoping to hitch a ride...

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