George Carlin
Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:58 pm
1. If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? they never mention that part of it to us do they?
2. Here's something no one has ever said, ever, ever...... " as soon as I stick this hot poker in my ass Im going to chop my dick off!!!"
3. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
4. If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a "hostage" situation?
5. "here's my own cheer that I made up: rat crap, bat crap, dirty old twat, 69 dimwits tied in a not, hurraya! lizard crap! fudge!
6. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctars call what they do "practice"?
7."I hate it when people say something like "he happens to be black", like its a fuckin accident, u no? "oh he happens to be black", george:"he happens to be black?, he had two black parents?", "oh yes he did", george:"and they screwed?", "oh indeed they did" george:"then where's the surprise part come in? I think it's be weird if he just "happened" to be scandenavian"
8. "and another thing that gets me is when people say "openly black", "oh he's openly black"...they sayen colin powell is, colen powell is not "openly back", colen powell is "openly white", he just "happens" to be black.
9.have you ever noticed that mice have no shoulders at all? you put a necklace on a mouse it goes right down to his waist, they think its a belt, what do they know they're fuckin mice?
10. here's something I wonder....is there more rape at the equator or the north pole? these are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools, but I wonder....some people would say the equator because its hot, the females go topless and there's a lot of flicking going on....thats exactly why there's less rape, becauese there's a lot of flicking going on, guys up at the north pole say "tonight hunny, tonight huh?"....., "are you crazy the wind chill factor is three hundred below".....but what if the woman is wearing leather pants?, you ever try to get wet leather leggings off a woman who doesnt wanna take em off? you'd lose your hard-on in the process....up at the north pole your dick would shrivle up like a stack of dimes!
Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:2525, old post ID:43438
2. Here's something no one has ever said, ever, ever...... " as soon as I stick this hot poker in my ass Im going to chop my dick off!!!"
3. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
4. If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a "hostage" situation?
5. "here's my own cheer that I made up: rat crap, bat crap, dirty old twat, 69 dimwits tied in a not, hurraya! lizard crap! fudge!
6. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctars call what they do "practice"?
7."I hate it when people say something like "he happens to be black", like its a fuckin accident, u no? "oh he happens to be black", george:"he happens to be black?, he had two black parents?", "oh yes he did", george:"and they screwed?", "oh indeed they did" george:"then where's the surprise part come in? I think it's be weird if he just "happened" to be scandenavian"
8. "and another thing that gets me is when people say "openly black", "oh he's openly black"...they sayen colin powell is, colen powell is not "openly back", colen powell is "openly white", he just "happens" to be black.
9.have you ever noticed that mice have no shoulders at all? you put a necklace on a mouse it goes right down to his waist, they think its a belt, what do they know they're fuckin mice?
10. here's something I wonder....is there more rape at the equator or the north pole? these are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools, but I wonder....some people would say the equator because its hot, the females go topless and there's a lot of flicking going on....thats exactly why there's less rape, becauese there's a lot of flicking going on, guys up at the north pole say "tonight hunny, tonight huh?"....., "are you crazy the wind chill factor is three hundred below".....but what if the woman is wearing leather pants?, you ever try to get wet leather leggings off a woman who doesnt wanna take em off? you'd lose your hard-on in the process....up at the north pole your dick would shrivle up like a stack of dimes!
Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:2525, old post ID:43438