Yes, I'm posting. AGAIN.
Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 3:35 am
Do any of you believe in reincarnation? Like, if you could decide what you’d come back as, what would you pick?
I know what I’ll choose. I remember it like it was yesterday…
Reflecting on the day, it started out so innocuously.
But it was a great day. Revelations abound.
The highlight of that weekend wasn’t hanging around Georgetown, chillaxin’ at Johnny Rocket’s, or watching a live band at The Meeting Place. It wasn’t pimpin’ and ho’in with my cousin, talking about random things while watching Ninja Scrolls and stopping by for a late-night snack at Cluck U.
No, it wasn’t even my time spent perusing the stacks at my favorite store, Barnes & Noble, where I bought The Effects of Living Backwards by Heidi Julavits.
You see, that day, at the recommendation of one of my female friends, I purchased facial lotion. Oil of Olay Complete UV Protective Moisture Lotion.
WOW. What a name!!
When I die, I want to come back as a pore.
Now, I know what you must be thinking. I think the popular choice for reincarnation would probably be an attractive celebrity…Halle Berry? Angelina Jolie? Maybe Johnny Depp?
Or maybe you’d want to be rich and powerful. How about Bill Gates? Oprah??
…Donald Trump?
Well YOU’RE FIRED.
Don’t be so provincial!
I think back now on my pitiful human existence…all this time, we’ve sat here like we’re on top of the food chain, like we’re the greatest beings in the galaxy. Meanwhile, there have been huge advances in the quality of life for the pore.
All this time I did not realize that I had no protection from those harmful UV rays. Yet, my pores are now afforded that protection?
Did you know there were UVA’s and UVB’s? And that you needed to be protected from both?
Neither did I. The horror!
I no longer revel in my ignorance. I am now enlightened.
Now I yearn for nourishing olay moisture that’s Vitamin E enriched.
But, alas…as they say…ignorance is bliss. My transformation has not come without controversy.
This newfangled lotion…this technologically creamy marvel…is causing a bit of jealousy from my other Body Parts.
And they’re starting to ask questions…
A couple of hours ago, I heard the Knee and Elbow talking…“Why should the Pores have the only cleanser available with gentle ‘micro-scrubbers’?”
And it’s not just the Joints that are angry.
It’s gotten to be so bad that I’m forced to screen my calls now. Thank God for caller ID. Earlier, I got a call from the Calves that was rather disturbing…they told me that if they weren’t bathed from now on in a gentle massaging motion, there could be repercussions…they said that I…hold on a sec…
…Dammit, my phone’s ringing again…
It’s the Buttocks. I forgot to send them a card last Christmas. And now they’re chaffed and boy are they angry…they’re demanding protection from harmful UV rays while remaining soft and smooth.
I can’t even look my Feet in the eye anymore. They’re still mad at me for that incident last month involving Amanda and the toe-sucking…I don’t want to talk about it…
I really don’t know if I’ll make it through the night.
I know you people think I’m crazy, but don’t piss me off. I’m coming back as a pore, damn you. Maybe YOUR pore.
And if you piss me off, I’ll get together with my Skin Cell gang friends (Epidermis Side, Fool) and give you zits the size of Mt. Jehuvas every first date and job interview for your entire life.
That, my friends, is real power.
Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:832, old post ID:8508
I know what I’ll choose. I remember it like it was yesterday…
Reflecting on the day, it started out so innocuously.
But it was a great day. Revelations abound.
The highlight of that weekend wasn’t hanging around Georgetown, chillaxin’ at Johnny Rocket’s, or watching a live band at The Meeting Place. It wasn’t pimpin’ and ho’in with my cousin, talking about random things while watching Ninja Scrolls and stopping by for a late-night snack at Cluck U.
No, it wasn’t even my time spent perusing the stacks at my favorite store, Barnes & Noble, where I bought The Effects of Living Backwards by Heidi Julavits.
You see, that day, at the recommendation of one of my female friends, I purchased facial lotion. Oil of Olay Complete UV Protective Moisture Lotion.
WOW. What a name!!
When I die, I want to come back as a pore.
Now, I know what you must be thinking. I think the popular choice for reincarnation would probably be an attractive celebrity…Halle Berry? Angelina Jolie? Maybe Johnny Depp?
Or maybe you’d want to be rich and powerful. How about Bill Gates? Oprah??
…Donald Trump?
Well YOU’RE FIRED.
Don’t be so provincial!
I think back now on my pitiful human existence…all this time, we’ve sat here like we’re on top of the food chain, like we’re the greatest beings in the galaxy. Meanwhile, there have been huge advances in the quality of life for the pore.
All this time I did not realize that I had no protection from those harmful UV rays. Yet, my pores are now afforded that protection?
Did you know there were UVA’s and UVB’s? And that you needed to be protected from both?
Neither did I. The horror!
I no longer revel in my ignorance. I am now enlightened.
Now I yearn for nourishing olay moisture that’s Vitamin E enriched.
But, alas…as they say…ignorance is bliss. My transformation has not come without controversy.
This newfangled lotion…this technologically creamy marvel…is causing a bit of jealousy from my other Body Parts.
And they’re starting to ask questions…
A couple of hours ago, I heard the Knee and Elbow talking…“Why should the Pores have the only cleanser available with gentle ‘micro-scrubbers’?”
And it’s not just the Joints that are angry.
It’s gotten to be so bad that I’m forced to screen my calls now. Thank God for caller ID. Earlier, I got a call from the Calves that was rather disturbing…they told me that if they weren’t bathed from now on in a gentle massaging motion, there could be repercussions…they said that I…hold on a sec…
…Dammit, my phone’s ringing again…
It’s the Buttocks. I forgot to send them a card last Christmas. And now they’re chaffed and boy are they angry…they’re demanding protection from harmful UV rays while remaining soft and smooth.
I can’t even look my Feet in the eye anymore. They’re still mad at me for that incident last month involving Amanda and the toe-sucking…I don’t want to talk about it…
I really don’t know if I’ll make it through the night.
I know you people think I’m crazy, but don’t piss me off. I’m coming back as a pore, damn you. Maybe YOUR pore.
And if you piss me off, I’ll get together with my Skin Cell gang friends (Epidermis Side, Fool) and give you zits the size of Mt. Jehuvas every first date and job interview for your entire life.
That, my friends, is real power.
Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:832, old post ID:8508
