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and orders 395 security check points (one for each entrance) then he realizes how this building has too many entrances, but remembers that only 1 of them is accessable by humans, the rest are too high. So to save costs by 99% he only orders one super high tech check point. It will calculate everything based on dna and check stuff like fur color to make sure it matches with correct dna, a robot could not be perfectioned to pass through! Only one problem...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7535

With all the checks and technological gadgets, it makes it incredibly hard to recruit new members, and amkes it a problem for the squirrels who want a dye job or something like that. But red has an idea...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7554

he sets the security level to "lowest" and it does the trick, which makes it super secure anyway. Knowing the headquarters is very secure, they all head out to...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7646

Fudrucker's Restaurant to grab a bite... until a few of the squirrels thinks it would be funny to transpose a few letters in the name. So instead they all simply go to the grocery store and pick up quite a few cans of planters. Whne they make it back to hq, red notices somethign strange...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7676

Along with a few minor dents in the door, blood, and heavy duty machinery, and as well as a dead body, there is a post it note that says...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7741

"There is a package for Red Squirrel waiting at your local branch post office."

The dead body? A postman. Apparently even at the lowest security level, it did not keep an innocent postman who knocked on the front door from being mercilessly and brutally killed by the security droids.

So Red runs off to the post office to pickup his package - and to notify them of the secuity changes. However, when he does...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7742

he sees people with guns, and a sign that says "poste ofice" with a typo, and quickly realizes he fell for a trick. Now who could this be?

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7744

"Bit Bender!?!?! No, no it can't be him. We just killed him off... repeatedly. He can't still be alive!! At least not for a few more pages anyway..."

No, it wasn't bit bender. This.... felt different somehow. This was a new evil. With twice the strengeth of bit bender, and half the intelligence... just thinking about it gave Red a divide by zero error. Human, nor squirrel kind is capable of finding a means to quantify this incompetance.

I could only be one person, the infamous inbred ignoramus...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:7752

Iraq Information minister, along with Bill Gates, Barney, and a Teletubie!!!! It just does not get any worse! Then the information minister says "You infidel! You must die!"

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8318

The Information Minister lunges after him knife in hand, at which point red takes 1 step to the left and hte minister crashes through the window behid him. So red locked the door to the building. "That should keep him out for a while" ... and it did, a long while. Even with a giant hole in a ground level window, the information minister could not figure out a way back in. moron. "Now to take care of the rest of you." Luckily barney was too busy bouncing around singing stupifd songs to do anyhting, and the teletubbie just happened to be the gay one, so all he had to worry about was bill gates....

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8322

So red took a blank CD, and a copy of Windows 95, holding one disc in each hand, and asked Bill "know where I can find a burner?" and Bill Gates started saying the Windows 95 license agreenment from memory, now that everyone was busy doing something, ...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8323

get them all in a central location and try a multi-target psionic bakarian mind blast attack, or as many of the squirrels had nic-named it a "george W", an attack whose power is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the target. In other words "the stuppider theys are, the harderer they fall" (the final words of it's last victim)

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8326

Because of the inteligence level of them, this central location happends to be the hole in the floor, Meanwhile, they are suddently on the first story, red knows squirrels can take this type of height, but not purple dinosaurs, TV-wannabies and computer crashers, so he decides to fall it with them, meanwhile, Bill Gates is explaining why the DMCA is good, until they reach the bottom...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8327

Well the teletubbie, barney, and the information minister all die, but at the last minute Bill's automatic WindowsXP License agreement air bag goes off, filling the entire buliding with the pages of the windows XP EULA, cushioning his fall.

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8333

and in his hands, he has the last page, and is very mad and says. "I WILL FIRE MY TYPIST! HE MADE A MISTAKE!!!" and he, out of the air, pulls out a red pen and circles it many times, Red does not know where he is, and realizes he's under all this paper and pops out saying...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8356

"I know I said one day lawyers are going to be the end of me, but darn it! It's ain't going to be today."

With Bill occupied, and all the flammable paper around, Red decides to take the easy way out by lighting a match and running like hell...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8376

And he flicks the match, throws it on the papers and runs back to the HQ, and watches the news with the rest of the crew, wondering what the heck happened to cause his tail hair to be a little out of place, then he says...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8480

"I knew I shouldn't have used an oil based fur gel! Well I hear that charcoal is in this year, heh"

However as he's watching the news, Red notic3es something. "Turn it up fellas!"

"...Thanks John. Well it seems that the entire building has been destroyed in the fire. However, our sources say that one man in the building was pulled out by some ominous looking fellows who flew away in what looked like a giant blue butterfly..."

"Of course!" Red screams "How foolish of me not to expect microsoft's secret service to come after Bill. Darn MS-SS"

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8632

Then there's a comercial.

"Are you tired of crappy Oses like Linux? Well it's here! Windows 98 Third edition! That's right! Microsoft has released the worlds finest Operating system. For only $48175.89, you can own it for home use on an entire PC! That's right! Special licensing can be bought for you to legally keep it for over a month, that's twice as much as the default licensing!

But wait there's more! As fur exchange rates have got up, you can own this revelutional technology for only 1 squirrel fur coat! That's right!"

Then there's a few comercial's on new Procter and Gamble animal testing on squirrels.

Then one of the other squirrels says to red who is leaving "No! It's not safe! This is a setup, here, bring this." red is given a...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8634

A big old rail gun... of course red has a little toruble carrying it around [too bulky], so he's handed the compact "Quake3" version. He shoots off a slug to test it out, and ends up running through 6 innocent bystanders with no sign of slowing down. "Not bad, but it needs a scope". Unfortunately, they are out of scopes at the moment, so red has to run out and get one. Unfortunately there's only one place that has scopes up to squirrel standards...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8830

which is in the basement of the building. It's ennoying to go there because it's so low, and squirrels like being high above ground. But for the same of not killing someone again, he puts the gun down and jumps down the elevator shaft to get down faster, and notices...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8837

the elevator, as he crashes directly into it, putting a squirrel shaped dent in it's roof.

After an incident liek that, any human would be out of commision for weeks, but Red would be back in action in a mtter of days. However, that means that someone else will have to take care of Bill and the MS-SS. Someone like...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8853

SuperSquirrel™, who puts on a SuperMan™ Suit® and takes that huge gun and goes to get Microsoft® Bill Gates®. It turns out into a big trade mark legal war, which ends...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8928

with some corporate business lawyer laying a big fat lawsuit on both of them, seeing as the corporation he works for had been granted braod patent on the usage of patents andor trademarks in the altercations involved in, or as the basis of a conflict, series of conflicts, or conflict like situation. At this point even Bill Gates is baffled by the legalese....

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:8984

and he can hardly afford it. On the other hand, a mistake is made on the squirrel HQ lawsuit and there is 3 missing 0's because of a virus written long time ago at SHQ, which somehow got there, so the lawsuit is only $46 000 000 for the squirrels, but even with all the nuts, they can only cover...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:9133