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Just then, Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies arrived and began kicking asses at random. Once he made his way to Will and Manadren, he activated his TV tummy and showed him a brief video whereupon seeing it one days in 7 days. Tinky Winky then took Will and Manadren to his dungeon where they were to be chained for the duration of that time. Seven days later, Will and Manadren were dead, after which Tinky Winky feasted on their corpses and wouldn't return for something like 22 years. Meanwhile, Stasi....

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met up with MrSelf and travelled across town to meet Erolyn for dinner (squids eat half off...). Part way through eating, Stasi and Erolyn snuck out and left MrSelf to his half-priced meal. Magic and Megaspaz spotted MrSelf from across the room, "HHHEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" Mega yelled at the top of his lungs. "WANNA GO BOWLING?" MrSelf, Magic, and Mega said it, and went bowling....

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while Erolyn grabbed her free meal so she could bring it home to her starving alien children, hoping to God she wasn't going to have a sixth after tonight, knowing that any spawn of Will, Mr Self, or Manadren would undoubtedly be ugly as hell.

Meanwhile, the bowling game wasn't going so well. Magic, being the awesomest by far, was up by 100 points, while Mr. Self and Mega we pushing pushing scores of 50 on the 8th frame. Just when they thought all hope was lost...

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MrSelf pointed towards the door and yelled "Hey, it's Sarah Michelle Gellar in a tube top!" And while Mega and Magic were distracted he quickly switched the names on the score card, putting himself in the lead.

"Hey! That's not her!"

"Oh, sorry, my mistake."

Magic noticed the change in the scorecard, but didn't care, loser was paying, and there was no way Mega could stand up to his l33t bowling ski11z, leaving him with the tab. And that's just how it happened.

Mega, feeling jipped, decided to go home, whereas MrSelf and Magic were going to hit a club or two while the night was still young. But as Mega approached his special custom ride, he noticed something missing, namely his ride.

"Magic! MrSelf! Look at this crap! Someone done jacked my ride, yo!"

"I can see that, and only one person would want to steal that car...

Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:47, old post ID:11932

...."Erolyn! She's had her eye on it for some time. "

Will, alive and hearty, clothed in a neat black suit and a fedora, strode into the parking lot. He was holding a small briefcase and a set of keys.

"No. But I took your car."

"WHAT?!"

"Yes. Here is 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds stirling and the keys to an Enzo Ferrari. Now leave."

"Yoyoyoyoyo! What you doing wit' mah ride cuz?"

"That's my business."

And with these succint words, delivered is a light Scots brogue, Will climbed into his private heli and flew off to his mansion, to build a warmachine out of mega's car.

"Not cool, yo!" said Mega. "That nigga just jacked mah ride! I'ma find out wut he up tuh!"

He climbed in the Ferrari and tried to locate the keyhole.

2 hours later he found it and started the car.
Another 2 hours and he realized it was on. He peeled out of the parking lot leaving a barefoot Erolyn coughing in his wake of dust.

Erolyn snarled angrily and ran out of there. She took a key fob out from her pocket and clicked a button. A car shimmered out of nowhere and she opened the door, took out a skintight leather outfit and jackboots, and put it on. The she got in the car and zoomed off, following Will's heli.

She got to the base safe and sound, except for one of Lord Red's underlings in the Squirrel Empire. He jumped in front of her and held his battleax up, blocking her way. "H-H-H-HALT!" the tiny soldier squeaked. He had a bad stutter.

"L-L-Lord Red told me to g-g-g-guard the General's b-b-b-base!"

"Is that so, little man? Did he not say to let the Dark Viper through?"

"I k-k-k-know not of a-a-a-any V-V-V-Viper, M-M-M-Mistress! You w-w-w-will not pass!"

She cursed under her breath then, tensing her hand so it formed a spearlike shape, thrust her hand through the poor sentry's ribcage, and fiercly yanked out his still-beating heart. Then she crushed it in her palm, sending blood fountaining out from blood vessels and veins. The sentry dropped without a sound.

When General Will landed at the base, she was waiting for him, sitting on the roof of the car.

"Hello there, Erolyn." he greeted her, and gave her a small kiss. She slipped out of his embrace and made a small curtsey. He noticed the dead sentry and smiled.
"Dear, dear, my little viper, how many times must I remind you not to kill the sentries?"

"I never tire, my love."

They kissed again, more passionately this time.

"Mr Wallace, I have planted the bomb on that fool's car as you request. When will I be paid?" She said the last few words in a sexy, sultry tone.

"I have half of what I owe you. The other half....we must do in private..."

He gave her a large strongbox, smirking slightly as he did so. She opened it and looked at the gleaming gold inside. Shutting it, she said, "The remote for the bomb is in the backseat. Goodbye, my love." She stalked out, clutching her prize.

Will drew a pipe from his pocket, produced a bag of pot, and began to smoke, looking at the clock every now and then. Stasi, the manservant, brought him a Danish and tea, which he ate greedily, then sending the manservant away. He took a Colt Python out from his pocket and laid it on his lap. Waiting.

Meanwhile Magic and Mrself...

Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:47, old post ID:11955

were still standing in the parking lot....

"Man.... Will, Erolyn, and Mega just left us here with no ride, not cool." fumed MrSelf.

"Well, not really, I can transport, remember? Bye!" Magic said with a zap and bright flash of light."

Damn.
Damn damn.

"Wait a minute," MrSelf said to himself, "I can 'replicate' vehicles." He finds a tube made of steel, and proceeds to 'replicate' a 1978 TransAm, only to find it is KITT.

"Sweet!" exclaims MrSelf when KITT tells him to hop in.

MrSelf and KITT cruise the city, looking for Stasi, whom had been missing for days now while ....

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...when a gigantic hook swung out of nowhere, catching his car up and reeling it into the bowels of a large military Heli.
Mrself stepped out from his car and looked around.
"Mrself..."

"who's there!?"

"It is only I, the poor servant of Will. My master wishes to speak with you."

"Why can't I see you?"

"You are not allowed to look upon me until we have returned to the base."

That was a familiar voice.

"STASI!?"

"The same. Gents, lock him in the brig."

He was dragged away by many hands into a dark, scary room. The men left and the last one shut the door, locking it firmly. Mrself drew a long, deep breath and tried to keep calm. The drip of water gently echoed through the room.
Then he tried to feel in his pockets. He remembered he was a squid and had no pants nor pockets. He swore gently, and then tried strength. He gripped a section of the door with his tentacles, and then pulled as hard as he could. The door groaned and shuddered inward, but nothing happened. It was pure durasteel and could not be broken. Now greatly worried, he pulled his tentacles about his body and tried to think....

...meanwhile, Magic went straight to the base and appeared in front of Will. He mega's car and was shocked.

"You stealing bastard! I- HUAAAARGH!"

Will lowered the smoking gun again.

"I see you are enjoying the effects of my Degausser Bullets. They will wipe your memory entirely and leave you a shell of yourself, allowing me to control you. "

"You......EEEEARGH........bastard......powering.....down.....!"

Magic crumpled to the floor.

"Take him to my robotics lab. Fit him with weapons and program him to serve me, to only have loyalty towards me."

The men in dark suits dragged him away.

At the same time, our reluctant hero Mrself...

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Then suddenly manadren rose form the grave as a zombie and said "Bump!", and then proceeded to munch on sintekk's brain, which he really didn't use anyway, so he really didn't mind... well except for the draft coming in behind his eyeballs. Manadren was left a little unsatisfied after his meal though, so he went on to an undisclosed region to munch on the brains of people who will never be seen in this story, and was never to be heard from again, well at least for another page or two that is.

Meanwhile, back at the farm....

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...The Helicopter carrying the recalcitrant MrSelf was headed for Will's secret base...

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and a mile away, sintekk's confused body was wandering aboot. Without a brain, a body's job is much tougher, but not impossible. It wandered into a McDonalds and ordered a chicken sandwhich.

Back at the secret base

Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:47, old post ID:14152

...Will waits impatiently for the helicopter, while at McDonald's...

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sintekk's body dug around for change to pay for the sandwhich. Unfortunately, without a brain, it couldn't perform basic arithmatic. It left McDonalds and went skateboarding.

Back at the secret base...

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...Will's still waiting, pacing now while at the skatepark...

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sintekk's body is wowing all the kiddies with his old skool tricks. Unfortunately, rigor mortis kicks in and the body, sadly, walks away to find something easier for a stiff to do.
Back at the secret base...

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Will's long-awaited Heli finally landed. Out stepped a sharply dressed man with red irised eyes and a shock of brown hair.

"I trust you have brought me my cargo, unharmed?"

Stasi bowed deeply.

"Yes sir, he is in the holding area of the copter."

"Good. I wish not to kill him. Prepare me a tranquilizer gun."

"Very good, sir."

Stasi hurried off. Some banging and clattering, and then he puffed back in with a small derringer.

"It's loaded with nerve toxin, strong enough to knock out ten Intergalactic squids such as Mrself, sir."

"Excellent. Send for my Assassin, she will need to hear what this creature has to say."

"As you wish."

Will strode into the landing bay and stepped down into the Helicopter. He opened a door and found a large, bloated squid there, pulsating slowly.

"Mr. Self. You cannot have thought this would not have come to pass. You left me to die, in a cave with some horrible creature, to rot and fester.

A second Will stepped in. "Surely you had thought you had rid yourself of a potential threat to your rise to power, Mr. Self. You killed me, Mr. Self. As surely as if you had done the deed yourself. "

Two Wills joined them. Mrself began to pulsate a little quicker now, his heart beating faster. Another four Wills came through the door.

"And you took away one thing from me, Mr. Self. Purpose."

More Wills began to climb in.

"It is purpose that created us,
Purpose that connects us,
Purpose that pulls us,
That guides us,
That drives us,
It is purpose that defines,
Purpose that binds us.
We're here because of you, Mr. Self, we're here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Purpose."

Erolyn watched in silent wonder as her master's clones filed in through the door, filling the room.

Mrself looked about him. All around him were identical Wills, staring at him with the same ferocity.

"You."

"Yes, me. Me, me, me..."

Another Will climbed in.

"Me too!"


Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:47, old post ID:14217

classic...



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Erolyn stood watching this shocking escapade, feeling rather like Trinity from the Matrix, only not as ugly. She pondered how on Earth she was going to get back to the skatepark to beat Sintekk and his cursed old-school prowess and still have time to make dinner. While she was busy pondering, she didn't notice the movement in the darkness behind her...

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Zombie Manadren popped out, yelled "Dapper Swindler!" and munched on one of the wills' brains. Before they could dogpile and suffocate him, he hopped back on his banana board and went to Zargon 3000. What he didn't know was that Erolyn had used a grappling hook to hitch a ride with him to Zargon...

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Zombie manadren abruptly fell from space and thudded into the ground.

One of the Will's had shot him with an ANTI-ZOMBIE 3000 bolt gun, filled with Holy Water. Manadren lay where he was, out cold.

"It is inevitable."

The wills threw themselves on Mr. Self. He abruptly stood up on two tentacles and started flailing about. Wills went fly left and right. One of them managed to his him in the stomach. Self lay winded for a minute then leaped back up and pulled a poll out of the ground, and started laying about him, whacking Wills left and right. Then he jumped up, and whirled on the pole, kicking Wills left and right. he jumped off the pole and more Wills jumped on him. Then Mr. Self exploded up into the air, flying off...

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onto Zombie Manadren's boogie board, which was stuck on auto-pilot. Zargon wasn't known for it's hospitality towards anything with more than 4 legs...
MrSelf figured that he had more luck taking on the wills, so he jumped off and before he landed in the pile of wills...

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Cipher, aka Sintekk, with brain, jacked him out of the Matricks...

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...and was having...

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an epiphany about...

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a...

Archived topic from Anythingforums, old topic ID:47, old post ID:14865

cup of tea.

"Why can't our damn machines make a farking good cup o' tea?!? WHY!?!?!"

sintekk hopped out of the ship and asked one of the squids circling the ship, preparing to destroy it, if they knew how to make a good cup of tea with the onboard instruments.
After they explained to him that the ship unfortunately only supports the Java plugin, sintekk called a taxi and drove off.

However, MrSelf and the remaining crew on the ship were more worried about the imminent destruction of their ship...

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