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Bitbendertech, Evil Emporor of electronic trolling and killing. The message says:

"
THink im that stupid to open my truck in real time. Dumb . I opened it
with my key, for brains.

Hope your daddys email address is bogus...

GOT YOU.

Did I tell you I have family who works for the FBI ??

Keep it up squirrel.
"
then the squirrels start laughing, and realize these are really stupid people and don't know how to spell. They decide to...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6115

To launch an all out assault on the evil Bitbendertech headquarters. First they need to find out where it is. Luckily Red notices that the message was just a printed out email message sent from the big bossman to an underling within the same complex. The email shows the complete header information on the message, from which red is able to exract the originating ip address. He then takes that ip address and tracks it to the isp, and then using a little social engineering, coerces some happless employee to give him the street address. Of course, now red needs to orchestrate a quick scouting mission before preparing the plans for the final attack. Red starts off by...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6116

Rolling out a 45' by 26' 1 inch thick map. This has detaild information on the area BitBenderTeck is headquarterd. he happens to had it stored somewhere in the hangar, where all his military planes are kept. 5 hours later (once the map is done rolling) all the squirrels gather together and notice that...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6120

a message was left saying that Takahita Tsukino was very sorry for not posting at Iceteks lately. A certain thread at Jack and Booper's Château has taken a lot of his time and has troubled him.

The other think they noticed was......

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6124

that's it's too much darn work to roll out a 45' by 26' 1" map, and decide to get a new one later. But first...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6127

they order 50 SCSI hard drives raided together using fibre optics and other high end stuff, these hold a total of 83957TB each. They also order a few servers and as well as 45000 nodes that will be used as a cluster for the servers. These will be used for...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6146

hosting their official website, Iceteks, which has become a popular website with more hits than Yahoo! There is one problem with the new servers though. They could be.........

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6174

delayed in shipping! There was a mistake in the order and it was all 286's! But this gives time for the squirrels to plan the attack against...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6192

incompetant companies who send 286 processors instead of AMD Opterons. Of course this includes going to the company warehouses and setting them on fire, which was accomplished rather quickly, and thus gives them time to get back to the task at hand. So having destroyed the warehouses, they take the remaining napalm and procede to...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6230

BitBenderTech headquarters, located in the UK, it is a huge complex of 16 buildings, but the part that makes the destruction easy is that these buildings are made with...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6238

straw, apparently the folk at BitBenderTech never read the first chapter of architecture for dummies, which happened to be proper building materials, nor did the ever read the story of the 3 little pigs, but ouf course they were never much for reading either, that requires actual thought, literacy, and the ability to comprehend language, all of which they lacked. So how did they get to be such a meanace? They downloaded a script off the internet.

Everything was ready to go, but red decided to have a little fun first....

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6250

As he hufe and he puffed and blowed like crazy, spitting nut shell segments in the process (get's stuck in the teeth, they could of been there for years) and the smallest building collapses and it's a big mess. Then he sais "crap, I only wanted to spit my shells on the wall, not tear the whole place apart!" then all the squirrels together gather around and...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6282

grab a bunch of marshmellows, decimate the BitBenderTech headquarters with the napalm, and roast marshmellows over the flames. A great time was had by all, until suddenly...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6289

bit~bend~er, a very fat man, stands up and is in the middle of the flames, he does not even seem to have pain (meanwhile, all the bodies around the fire are slowly burning away). He points to Red Squirrel and says...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6292

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!"

Red repies with a grin. "That is the most trite uninspired pice of crap I have ever heard! I will destroy you? Come on! You're this big ominous figures standing amidst a sea of burning corpses, and with all the fire in your soul, all you can do if point at me and say "I will destroy you?" How anticlimatic is that? Try again buster."

""umm.. ok. ... lemme get back into character... YOU FOOL!!! YOU THINK YOU HAVE DESTROYED ME?! All you have acomplished is the removal of a few useless minions and human innocents. You have not harmed my operation in any way. As I speak I am preparing to lauch an attack of unthinkable proportions on all squirrel-kind, destroying an entire speices in a single action, all I have to do is give the word and..."

Ker-splat. With a single shot, bit~bend~er's brain had been scattered to the wind. One shot from a lone sinper squirrel operative far off in the distance.

"How's that for 'harming your operation', fatso?"

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6295

The brave squirrel up in the tree, waving his sling shot and holding another wall nut in his hands says "wow, what I'm I? David? And I guess he's goliath! This was fun". Then the rest of the squirrels start eating what is left of bit~bend~er then suddently...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6304

the corpse start to rise up, and in a scene too graphic for younger viewers, the corpse explodes, revealing a metalic skeletal figure, dripping with blood and strips of torn flesh.

"So, now you see my true form. That moronic fatso was just a clever ruse, and while I did enjoy tauting you in that form, it's time to get down to business. You will be eliminated, squashed under the foot of the most destructive force this world has ever known. I am not bit~bend~er, he was just a puppet of mine, a means of disguising myself while working towards my true objective. I am something far worse than bit~bend~er, an evil not seen for a thousand years. I am...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6309

dMartz. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I will illiminate you, and your crappy scsi server cluster will be reported to your ISP! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Then, the squirrels are sort of freaked out, and think of what to do next, they...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6325

prepare the mobile suit GMSQRL-4500 ... That's right.... GIANT ROBOT BATTLE!!! [Insert upbeat japanese dance music]

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6350

ding dingdingdingding ding ding ding BOING!!!

And the battle comences. Squirrels VS dMartz. The battle suddently turns into a soap opera. "I'm going to shoot you!" and an hour later, no weapon is yet used, just argueing. Then suddently the squirrels, each in their own robot, decide to...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6425

from the super-mega-ultra-squirrel-zoid! Kinda like power-rangers, except not as cheesy. And so, in tune with this non-cheese mega-robot, instead of trying to use clunky martial arts moves against dMartz, they power up the singularity cannon....

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6430

which is powered by a powerful microwave dish, which can send bursts of microwaves capable of zapping pretty much anything. To make things worse, it has a built-in tesla coil which also sends out a lightning bolt on it's target, and it also has...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6432

the abilty to create a black hole like singularity that will suck up the enemy, along with a portion of the surrounding area, and crush it into nothingness within the infinite gravity.

They figure the singularity is a good way to take out dMartz and clean up a little bit of the mess of the headquarters at the same time. So the fire the cannon. There's a brilliant flash, followed by a small dot which expands to a a huge black sphere which engulfs the entire area, and then shrinks into nothingness. All that's left is a giant crater.

Surveying the destruction, red says with a sigh...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6452

"Wow, that was cool. Only one problem, where's the ground?". The squirrels in their robots look down, and realize that they are all floating on nothing. Their conclusion comes that the black hole sucked in the earth, but not them since their robots are black hole proof, but it's not actually what happened, but rather...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6464

the force exerted on the fabric of space ime by the singularity had created a worm hole which had transported them out into space. Luckily it wasn't too far out into space, and with the thrusters in the robot, they could easily make it back to earth in a matter of hours. The only problem was re-entry. They somehow needed to figure out the correct angle to enter the earth atmosphere in order to minimize the resistance and hope the robot doesn't burn up. Only problem is, the robot wasn't designed to handle such tempuratures...

Archived topic from Iceteks, old topic ID:35, old post ID:6467